How to Practice Self-Compassion When You Make Mistakes

I used to replay my mistakes over and over in my head, each time feeling a little worse about myself. A word I said wrong in a meeting. A promise I didn't keep. A moment when I wasn't the person I wanted to be. I'd lie awake at night, my mind circling back to these moments like a dog chasing its tail, and I'd think: I should know better. I should be better. What's wrong with me?

If you've felt this way, you're not alone. Most of us are far harsher with ourselves than we'd ever be with someone we love. We make a mistake, and instead of offering ourselves understanding, we pile on criticism. We treat ourselves like we're the enemy.

But what if there was another way? What if, instead of beating yourself up, you could meet your mistakes with the same compassion you'd offer a dear friend?

Understanding Self-Compassion

Self-compassion isn't about making excuses for yourself or avoiding responsibility. It's not about being soft or weak. It's actually the opposite.

Self-compassion is about acknowledging that you're human. It's recognizing that mistakes, failures, and struggles are part of being alive—not proof that something is wrong with you. When you practice self-compassion, you're able to look at your mistakes clearly, learn from them, and move forward without the weight of shame holding you back.

Think about it this way: if a friend made the same mistake you just made, would you tell them they're a failure? Would you remind them of every other mistake they've ever made? Probably not. You'd likely say something like, "Hey, it's okay. You're human. What matters is that you're learning." That's the voice of self-compassion.

Three Pillars of Self-Compassion

1. Self-Kindness Instead of Self-Criticism

When you make a mistake, pause. Notice the urge to criticize yourself. Then, gently redirect that voice. Instead of "I'm so stupid," try "I'm learning. This is hard, and I'm doing my best." Instead of "I always mess things up," try "I made a mistake this time. That doesn't define me."

This isn't about denying what happened. It's about responding to yourself with warmth instead of harshness. You can acknowledge the mistake and still treat yourself with kindness.

2. Recognizing Your Common Humanity

One of the most isolating feelings is thinking you're the only one who struggles. But the truth is, everyone makes mistakes. Everyone fails. Everyone has moments they wish they could take back. This is part of the human experience, not a personal flaw.

When you recognize that your struggle is shared by billions of other people, it becomes less about you being broken and more about you being human. That shift in perspective can be incredibly freeing.

3. Mindfulness of Your Experience

Mindfulness means observing your thoughts and feelings without judgment. When you make a mistake, you might feel shame, regret, or embarrassment. Instead of pushing these feelings away or drowning in them, mindfulness invites you to notice them.

You might think: "I'm feeling ashamed right now. That makes sense. I care about doing things well, and I didn't meet my own expectations." By observing your feelings with curiosity rather than judgment, you create space between you and the emotion. You're not your shame. You're the one experiencing it.

Practical Ways to Practice Self-Compassion

Place Your Hand on Your Heart

This simple gesture activates your body's calming response. When you're feeling the sting of a mistake, place your hand on your heart and take a few deep breaths. Feel the warmth of your own touch. This physical act of self-soothing sends a message to your nervous system that you're safe, that you're cared for—by yourself.

Write Yourself a Letter

Sometimes it helps to externalize your thoughts. Write a letter to yourself from the perspective of someone who loves you unconditionally. What would they say about your mistake? How would they encourage you? This practice can help you access the compassionate voice that's always within you, even when it feels far away.

Use a Compassionate Phrase

Create a phrase that resonates with you. Something like: "This is a moment of suffering. Suffering is part of life. May I be kind to myself in this moment." Or simply: "I'm doing the best I can. That's enough." Repeat this phrase when you're struggling. Let it become a gentle anchor that brings you back to compassion.

Ask Yourself: What Do I Need Right Now?

Instead of spiraling into self-criticism, pause and ask: What do I need right now? Maybe you need rest. Maybe you need to talk to someone. Maybe you need to move your body, or sit in silence, or do something that brings you joy. Self-compassion isn't just about kind words—it's about taking care of yourself the way you'd care for someone you love.

The Deeper Truth

When you practice self-compassion, something shifts. You stop seeing your mistakes as evidence of your unworthiness and start seeing them as opportunities to learn and grow. You become gentler with yourself, which paradoxically makes you more resilient. You're able to face your failures without being crushed by them.

And here's something beautiful: when you learn to treat yourself with compassion, you naturally extend that same compassion to others. You become more patient, more understanding, more forgiving. Self-compassion isn't selfish—it's the foundation for a more peaceful, connected life.

So the next time you make a mistake, pause. Take a breath. Place your hand on your heart. And ask yourself: What would I say to someone I love right now? Then say that to yourself. Because you deserve that same kindness.

A Reflection for You

What's one mistake you've been holding onto? What would it feel like to approach it with compassion instead of criticism?

Deepen Your Practice

If you're looking to cultivate more self-compassion and mindfulness in your daily life, my books are designed to help you slow down and reconnect with yourself. Through guided reflections and practices, you'll learn to appreciate yourself more deeply and build a foundation of inner peace. Whether you're working through past mistakes or simply seeking more kindness in your life, these tools can support your journey toward self-acceptance and spiritual growth.